Anorexia Recovery: A Year On

I've been meaning to do a post about my recovery but I wanted to do it when I significant reason to so this is the time. It's took me a lot to write this as I know a lot of people I know in real life will read this and it's quite personal so please be nice. TW- this post contains triggering material.

It's been around a year now since I started my recovery journey from anorexia nervosa. My symptoms were recognised early on by friends and family members so we seeked help together. This time last year, I had my initial assessment with CAMHS where I was diagnosed with anorexia (and other mental illnesses but that's for another post). A few weeks later I was moved to CYPS as they had special facilities and doctors for those with eating disorders and I could be treat better there. This time last year, I was deep in my eating disorder which was caused by a number of things, eating a mere 300-500 calories a day. By this point, I'd lost around half a stone since my eating disorder started. This doesn't sound like a lot but I was already at the lower end of healthy so losing this put me into the underweight category. My body had went into starvation mode and I was maintaining my weight on next to nothing as my body had learned to retain what it had.

June 2013

This time last year, I was miserable. I was slowly killing myself, both physically and mentally.  I was freezing, bones aching, hair falling out, blue nails- the list is endless. Not to mention I was depressed and I had also developed anxiety and suffered from panic attacks because I was starving myself. I also began purging and over exercising. I continued to lose weight but in late August, I went on holiday and things were looking up. I was eating more and gaining some weight but still purging.

August 2013

It wasn't until after my holiday when things completely spiralled out of control. I lost all the weight I'd gained and more. I was consumed by this awful illness. I just couldn't bare to eat. The voices in my head wouldn't let me. I was a wreck. I lost so many people around this time- friends and family. I was an awful, negative person. Not the Jordan people once knew me as. 

But then, in October, I decided to start recovering. I had weekly appointments at CYPS with my therapist and dietician. I had a meal plan and I decided to get my life back. I started slowly gaining some weight back and I was a lot happier. My panic attacks stopped and I was cutting down on self-harm. 

Around Christmas/New Year I completely relapsed and hit my lowest weight (at that point). I'd went back into the awful Jordan consumed by anorexia. Sorry for the graphic images by the way. I was emotionally and physically unstable. Anorexia ruined my Christmas and left me crying at the dinner table on Christmas Day. I was alive but not living.

After that I picked myself up and my New Year's Resolution was to recover and get healthy. So between January and June, my weight fluctuated but overall maintained- still lower than the Summer of 2013 though. I'm a very stubborn person and I couldn't let myself gain much and I still can't. However, I was eating more now though- around 1800 calories a day but I'd trained my body to maintain on that. Overall, I was a lot better mentally.

So, now that brings me to today- 2nd August 2014. I'm a much stronger person now. I won't lie, I still have my bad days sometimes but nothing like what they used to be. I have more good days than bad. I'm eating a lot more. I'm doing the things I want. I'm having fun with my friends. I'm getting my life back. I can pretty much say I'm recovered from cutting. Sometimes I do still hurt myself but it's been a long time since I've took a blade to my skin and I'm now over 2 months clean. I rarely ever get panic attacks now, too. 

I have colour in my cheeks and life in my eyes. I can truly say I'm happier. Being strong isn't about starving yourself, it's being able to overcome the thoughts and do what's healthy and eat. I am strong. I may only be 1lb over my lowest weight and I'm working on that but I'm overcoming the mental illness because that's what anorexia is- it's a mental illness. Remember that the physical weight loss is just a side effect. ANYONE can suffer from anorexia no matter what their weight. Anorexic is not a synonym for 'skinny'.

 August 2014

If you have any questions, feel free to contact me via Instagram direct message (@jordandakotax) or email: jordandakotaxx@hotmail.co.uk

Also, if you or anyone you know is struggling or showing signs on an eating disorder don't hesitate to talk to me or visit sites such as "Beat" which will offer support.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and if you are reading this, I'd like to say thank you to my friends, family and boyfriend for supporting me throughout this.

Jordan x